A while ago I woke up one morning & declared “I’m not supposed to be a man”.
This wasn’t a first step on a journey, this…
I accepted and believed myself to be a man up to that point, but I’d always accepted myself as a bit feminine, but that didn’t make me gay right? & in that phrase we see a huge stumbling block for a transexual, the world (western culture), in the 80’s was coming to terms with some people being gay, what is transexual? Why decide to be something more complicated.
I want to try to talk about the choices, the choices that I have had to face.
To live my life as a woman, that would be, “divine”? Well it would allow me to live a divine life, because I would be able to be myself.
But there is so much cultural pressure to be “straight”, or “gay”.
So myself, I am pushed to be Transexual, or not, being maybe transexual just doesn’t cut it, for fear of being called “pervert”, somebody just playing at being a girl.
I heard today that somebody who had been living as female had decided to de-transition.
It comes as no surprise to me, because it is such a huge choice in life, and there are real pressures, I don’t imagine the choice was made lightly, but rather, as life as a transexual can often be, full of angst, indescision, sudden impulsiveness.
Humans are not logical animals, don’t let yourself be convinced that they are, we are emotional, socio – political animals, effected by cultural influences.
I don’t even know where to start with this subject, there is no beginning, no end.
Now lets change, forget all that I have written.
Humans are abstract logical animals 😉
We are aware of cultural influences, but we see abstrsct, we can join two influences, from two seperate cultures.
We live our lives in flux, we often know what we should do, but culture makes us behave in another way.
So, all I’m saying, is that I can understand, and I would fully expect within the population that considers themselves Transexual, for there to be an amount of indecision and some polarised, behaviour, “I am female, I want to live as female”, “My life would be easier if I live as male”.
I have blathered, I am quite sure there is more to be said than I have said & as life is big and complicated, I would be uncomfortable saying there is nothing else to say.